Angel's Wings

She swooped into her friend's lives

And helped when they were down

She knows exactly what to do

To abolish any frown

In her own way she left a mark

Only my soul can see

She took a chance, I did too

Now I'm a better me

She taught me to let go

And to live each day

It sounds kinda cheesy

But I have to say

On angels' wings she came

And that's how she will leave one day

~Alyssa

Goodbye's

i have to say goodbye to my best friend tomorrow! he is going into the air force and he is on the bomb squad so his job is very dangerous and he is at high risk of death. it kills me to even think about it. i can't bear to say goodbye to another person who is a big part of my life. i already had to say goodbye to my dad and now i have to say goodbye to my best friend who i thought for a while i would marry. this may sound dumb but i feel like i'm losing another loved on for good. this is just too much for me to handle. i don't know if i'm going to make it through this one. There is only so much that one can take before they break into a million pieces. The thing is too that we used to date and well we could be going back out again but i said no since he was leaving in about a week at the time. sometimes i wonder if i'm making a mistake, but other times i feel like this is the right thing to do. i'm just so confused and i don't want to miss my chance but everyone keeps telling me that if we are really meant to be that it will happen in the future and i hope they are right cause i feel like i've already missed my chance, but idk... i just wish i knew the answer to all my questions and i hope i'm doing the right thing. i just really don't want to say goodbye! my heart can't bear another loved one leaving! but i'm just going to give it up to God and pray that He keeps him safe and that what is meant to be will be!

Love

I met this really nice guy and i really hope we get to know each other really well! He is so great and he is the cutest person I have ever met and his eyes are the prettiest blue ever! And he has the most adorable freckles on his arms! To be honest I have liked him for a while, actually since the first time I saw him but he was kind of taken then, but now were talking and oh I think I might end up loving him! It may be too soon to say that but he is just so great that I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up loving him! I can't wait to see him again!! He is the best thing to happen to me in a while! He's my angel sent to help me back up and I am forever grateful!

Decisions

I've gone back and forth and back and forth on what I should I do. The thing is that the person I love had sex with 3 people while we were on break and you probably think that is a dumb thing to be mad about but to me its not. The worst part is that it was in less than 5 months. I was mad for the longest time, but my heart keeps pulling through the anger and telling me to take the risk anyway and go back out with him and I have decided that I want to. I still don't like what he did but I have to know if we are meant for each other. I have to find out otherwise I will always wonder. I have to take the risk and put myself out there for without risk there is never a gain. If I just stayed in my comfort zone I wouldn't achieve anything in life and I don't want to be like that. So I have decided that I am going to take the risk and tell him how I feel and just see what he says, but I have to try, I have to know. I can't just wonder all my life! I have done that too much already. The post just before this one is a song that I wrote for him. I don't know what it is about him but I love him with all my heart and maybe I'm just still young and dumb and I don't know what else is out there but I just have to know. I just want to live now, in today. I have my whole life ahead of me but I don't really care I just want to be happy! A life without happiness is not a life worth living!

Caught in the Middle

Refrain: I am caught in the middle of what i want and what i should do
I just want to know what's best
I just want to be happy
I am caught in the middle of my mind and heart

I am waiting for an answer
I am waiting for a sign
Can you please just answer my prayers
For I need a piece of mind


Verse 1: I feel like were strangers
And it really breaks my heart
How did we get to this point
Where we barely speak these days
We used to be good friends
We went through good times and bad
But now my heart is aching
and I feel so alone.


Refrain: I am caught in the middle of what i want and what i should do
I just want to know what's best
I just want to be happy
I am caught in the middle of my mind and heart

I am waiting for an answer
I am waiting for a sign
Can you please just answer my prayers
For I need a piece of mind


Verse 2: I have always loved you
And I always will
But how do you feel
For I really need to know
Because I deserve to be happy
And I have to decide
If that means your still in my life
Or if I must say goodbye


Refrain: I am caught in the middle of what i want and what i should do
I just want to know what's best
I just want to be happy
I am caught in the middle of my mind and heart

I am waiting for an answer
I am waiting for a sign
Can you please just answer my prayers
For I need a piece of mind


Verse 3: I feel like time is running out
And to be honest i don't want to say goodbye
But I can't keep holding on
To get hurt in the end
Cause I deserve to be happy
And I have to decide
If that means your still in my life
Or if i must...
Must say goodbye

Wedding of Love

Look at the two of them
You wouldn't think they knew
Anyone Else was alive
Seems like nothing can change them
They will never lose the magic,
That they are feeling today
And onto the dreams of the young happy couple, in love

The time is now, the place is here
There's no better time or place
To say yes to you my dear
The stage is set, our friends our here
Our yes is written in this time,
The beginning of our years

God bless the two of them
It's not hard to remember
What it was like to begin like this
The beginning of two lives, one life
The dreaming of the two to become one
Nothing on Earth can compare
Hang on to the truth, this time, your youth and your love

The time is now, the place is here
There's no better time or place
To say yes to you my dear
The stage is set, our friends our here
Our yes is written in this time,
The beginning of our years

My partner, my friend, my lover
I swear to God that there never could be any other for me
Let's walk together, apart always joined
In my heart and in my mind
I commit all of my time
And on to the yes that's spoken today that echo's forever your love

The time is now, the place is here
There's no better time or place
To say yes to you my dear
The stage is set, our friends our here
Our yes is written in this time,
The beginning of our years
Our yes is written in this time,
The beginning of our years

Taking the Risk

i'm so confused and i feel so alone. sometimes i feel like i'm making the right choice and other times i question myself on wether or not what i am doing is worth it. i just don't know what to do. i guess though that sometimes you just have to make a decision and hope for the best. you just have to take a leep of faith and risk getting hurt. no one wants to get hurt but suffering is a part of life and how can you gain anything if you don't take any risks. you don't gain anything from staying locked up all your life and staying in your comfort zone. so i guess i'm going to take that leep of faith and stay with my decision. i hope everything works out but in the end if it doesn't and i end up hurt well i will just take it as a learning experience and go on with my life. because life doesn't sit around and wait and every moment is special and precious because you never know how much time you will have. one of my goals is going to be to take risks and to just follow my heart and not worry about what might happen if i do this or that and just do whats in my heart.

my motto: Do what makes you happy and don't let anyone tell you that your happiness is
irrelavent!

Drama is Stupid!

i am so sick of drama! everywhere i turn i just see drama. two of my friends hate each other and one of them acts like they hate me because of what happened even though i had nothing to do with any of it. all i did was listen to both sides. i hate girls they just cause so much drama! On top of that there is shit tons of drama in one of the clubs i'm in. everyone is mad at the three people who are in charge because apparently they are too in charge and then between the three people who are in charge there is more drama because one of them is taking over and not letting anyone else do anything. i'm just sick of it. why can't we all just get along i don't get it. i do know that i can't handle it anymore!

On top of all of that my mom thinks that she is going to have to quit her job. and then we'll have to move into a house with her friend or something because apparently we won't have enough money to stay in our house. i don't need all this drama and stress in my life, it all sucks! i really hope things get better!

The Confusion of Love

There is this guy and we used to date but we broke up at the beginning of the summer after going out for almost two years. i spent the whole summer trying to get over him and to really find myself. this summer was an interesting adventure to say the least. but about a month ago he called me up and told me that he was going into the air force and that he was thinking that breaking up with me was a mistake. can you say WOW! so for the past month ish we have been talking and hanging out a little and deciding if we want to get back together. we both love each other but we don't know if we are good for each other as bf and gf. i really want to get back with him because i miss him so much, but he is still deciding and it is killing me because i just want what we had back so bad. i love him so much and i want to be able to tell him that without it being awkward and without the confusion of what he is thinking if i say it. i really just want him to decide but i know that this kind of stuff can't be rushed, but i'm the one who got hurt in the first place and if i am willing to risk that again i think the decision should just be made. idk... now i think i'm just rambling but i'm tired of waiting!

Love is Everlasting

Love is everlasting, it never fades away
You will always be in my heart forever and a day
You were my life before you were taken away
Now I long for your presence each and every day

I miss your hugs, the touch of warmth they gave
That warmth of your love that endures forever
You always made me smile and told me to be brave
In mind and heart I’ll forget your voice never

I kept this special place in my heart, just as you asked
It’s reserved for just one person, this person being you
My heart still hurts a little but healing is its task
I hope one day to see you and I know that you do too

I love you so much and I hope you know
My love for you, Dad, will always show